YOU ATE RENESMEE
by mizz edward cullen97
Summary: jake how could you... comedy storie based on the origanal breaking dawn from the twilight saga series chapter one of some!:P involves vampires been eaten all jokes are jokes don't take offence coz dat's kinda silly:P if ya dont mind me sayin: enjoyy: Xxx


**YOU ATE RENESMEE?**

**NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED IS NO WHERE NEAR AS GOOD AS THE REAL THING CHARACTERS USED IN FAIR USE! PLEASE DON'T SEW ME SUMMIT ENTERTAINMENT/STEPHANIE MEYER**

**Bella: How could you *gasps over dramatically while pretending to be shocked***

**Edward: I knew I should have killed you when I had the chance! *Snarls angrily at Jacob***

**Jacob: What I got a little bit peckish no biggie!**

Rosalie: I knew we shouldn't have let the mutt into the house!

Bella: hey don't call him that!

Rosalie: he just ate MY baby

Edward & Bella: Excuse Me

Rosalie: sorry ***corrects her self*** he just ate Renesmee

Edward &Bella: ***roll their eyes***

Rosalie: Bella are you not going to say anything at all?

Bella: your right Rosalie…Jacob you really need to take up weight lifting your six pack has really gotten out of shape!

Jacob: Really Bells, you must really help me work out sometime ***thinks: this will really annoy the bloodsucker** *

Edward: ***growls jealously while reading Jacobs thoughts ***

Bella: ***realises she's upset Edward*** oh darling I'm so sorry ***thinks to herself: stupid control freak I knew I should have gone with Jacob!** *

Edward: Rosalie, Bella, bring Renesmee upstairs this between me and Jacob!

Bella: oh pu-lease

Jacob: ***continues thinking about Bella to annoy Edward***

Rosalie: come on Renesmee darling lets go to Japan go get Emmett and tell him to start packing!

Bella: you crazy *****, Renesmee stay here don't go anywhere with that chimp!

Random dude walking past: is Renesmee not supposed to be eaten?

Everyone: yeah what's with that?

Jacob: *** blushes: embarssed***

Renesmee: ***touches bella's cheek to tell her what REALLY happened***(uhh dundundun)

Bella: oh Jacob what's with you *** I definitely should have gone with Jacob edward would never have had the guts to do something like this***

Jacob: sorry bells the doc really pissed me off!

Edward: ***reaches boiling point***you killed carlise**,t**hats it for you mutt say your prayers

Jacob: in the name of the father and the on and the holy spirit amen....

Edward: ***attacks Jacob***

Everyone else: ***gets popcorn and watches fight***

Emmett: why are we eating popcorn?

Everyone else (Rosalie, Bella, Emmett and Renesmee): good point lets go eat some gullible humans!

Bella: oh wait, were vegetarians remember… ahh who gives a damn! I call I get Mike Newton!

Renesmee: but mommy i wanted to eat mike newton:(

Bella: oh pu-lease renesmee you don't even have any venom

Rosalie :don't talk to her like that

Bella :and just who are you to tell me how and how not to speak to MY daughter?huh

Emmett: now ladies calm down i know im just to sexy to be legal but thats no reason to fight over me , you can both take your turns,bella what day do you want me?

Renesmee: oh don't get all excited,my mommy's in love with my daddy or at least i think she is the last time i checked....hmmm***looking thoughtfull for a 1year old***now are we going hunting or not?

everyone bar edward&jacob: yep,yep-yup

Edward & Jacob: ***still trying to kill each other and failing miserably***

Alice & Jasper: ***walk in*** hey where's everybody gone?

Alice & Jasper: *see Edward and Jacob fighting* guys why are you fighting?

Edward & Jacob: (between puffs) he ate Carlisle, I may have just eaten him a tiny bit!

Alice & Jasper: you stupid mutt!

Esme: what oh my god! But Jacob is barley a child? What on earth? I don't understand why would anyone want to kill Carlisle? Everybody loves Carlisle? ***Starts jabbering on "Carlisle no not Carlisle" etc***

Jacob: ***finally shrugged off Edward*** I am still here you know!

Edward: oh we couldn't not know, the stink of dog shit is driving me crazy!

Alice & Jasper: was that what that was?

Jacob: how comes the bloodsucker who looks like he's always constipated cant speak for himself?

Alice: ***whispers*** he's a little insecure! he was bullied in his human life about being gay, but when he became a vampire I turned him straight and lets face it have you ever cameacross a gay vampire? Don't think so!

Jasper: I am still here you know!

Jacob: stop copying my line bloodsucker!

Alice: omg Jasper you spoke! Yeyyy! this calls for party everyone is invited!…oh hey wait a minute where is everyone else?

Edward : they've gone hunting

Jacob: who asked you bloodsucker?

Edward: ehh alice,and anyway who invited you dog?

Alice : I did ,stop being mean Edward,seriously I dread to think how suicidle you would have been in your past life, you make nursing homes look like las vegas!

Edward : im going to go stalk Bella!

Alice: that just leave's us, Jacob, Jasper you guys up for a party?

Jacob:yep yep nothing better to do

Jasper: no comment

Alice: Esme you in?

Esme: oh my god carlise carlise it's not happing ***crying whitout tears as vampires do***

Alice: well that counts her out! Lets get the party started! Three's enough for a party right guy's?

Jacob & Jasper: ***walk off into the distance***

Alice: damn such part poopers***sulks on the floor***

Random guy walking past: hmmph guess it's true vampires CANT have fun!

* * *

hey guys,guess thats the end of chapter 1

so let me know what you guys think of it (coz i think it's pretty damn good:):P)

R&R you know you want too:P

byeeee

mizz edward cullen97......SIGNING OUT:)

PEACE 2 DA PEOPLES AND ALLxxx luvin u's:P


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